Silent Meditation Retreat - why would I go across the world to sit by myself and not talk for 10 days?!

I guess I should give you a little background on me and what made me want to come half way across the world to go this silent meditation retreat. I guess you could say I am searching for something…inner peace, maybe god, maybe not. Here’s why:

• I talk a mile a minute; I think even faster, I never relax.
• I’m scared of everything - walking in the dark, spiders, murders hiding in my back seat, losing my mind and on and on.
• I have an almost decade long recurring nightmare of people throwing up on me (mostly drunk people, sometimes zombies). It is VERY disturbing.
• I have an uncontrollable desire to be involved in everyone’s business (i.e. I ease drop within a four person radius at all times)
• I am petrified of my parents dying. P-E-T-R-I-F-I-E-D.
• I worry worry worry.
• The second I sit down, I fall asleep and I always wake up rushed and late for something.
• I’m a recovering superstition-a-holic.
• I always feel like I am missing out so I try to do everything.
• I have a hard time forgiving people and I never forget (and I don’t want to be like this).

Nothing paralyzing, but enough to send me searching for some inner peace.

I had done some meditation before. I went to a two day retreat with naked hippies in Big Sur and have spent time at the SF Zen Center with the oh so hip, Malcolm X glasses wearing monks. The Vipassana Center on the hill in Sri Lanka was a world away from these two places.

What you should know about the retreat:
• It was 10 days.
• You couldn’t talk to anyone except the teacher when she checked in with you and you couldn’t look other mediators in the eyes.
• The schedule was 16.5 hours a day and there were only three hour breaks.
• You had to have your eyes shut when you meditated (that’s eyes shut for 13+ hours a DAY?!)
• For three one hour sittings a day you had to sit and couldn’t move, couldn’t straighten your legs, stretch etc. (SOOOO hard!)
• I had my own room (just lucky) but most people were in shared 4-8 people rooms.
• The men and women were divided for meals, housing etc but we all meditated in the same hall, on separate sides.
• Vipassana is based in Buddha’s teachings but people of all religions practice it. It is a meditation technique not a religion.
• Wake up call was 4am and first sitting was 430am.
• There was NO DINNER! Just tea and three cream crackers, or sometimes nilla wafer type cookies. Breakfast was at 630am and lunch was at 11am.
• You couldn’t read or write. (Just you and your brain!)