Day 3 - Meditation Course - Sometimes you can't let your misery make a friend

Meditation = PAINFUL
I used to think of meditation as a peaceful, serene act - where you relax and just Zen out about your life. Ummm – not the kind of meditation the Sri Lankans do. The course I went to is about learning to quiet your mind in spite of everything – even if it is excruciating pain associated with sitting cross legged for 13+ hours a day. But I guess that is what will help you in life right, if you can find the strength to be centered and focused amidst the chaos.

So fine, I went with it, but by day three I was like – there has got to be a hidden camera somewhere because they surely have to be kidding and are just waiting for someone to rebel and freak out and catch it on camera for Bob Saget. I was afraid I was going to be the first. Up at 4am, no dinner, last meal of the day at 11am, no talking, sat eyes shut 13+ hours a day, unbearable pain in my legs…I was about to lose it.

That day at 5pm when we went into the dining hall for tea, I noticed someone else sharing my misery. A Belgium girl that I had talked to briefly before the retreat started. She looked like me, limping around with big black bags under her eyes. When we went to the tea counter to get served there were two choices plain tea or tea with milk. If you were an advanced meditater you had to have the plain tea but if you were a beginner you could have some milk. For me tea time was a big deal and I REALLY looked forward to a cup of tea with milk and felt like the milk made me less hungry. I think the Belgium girl looked forward to it too because when the women started to pour her plain tea, her face dropped in disgust and she said, as if it was a matter of life or death, “Milk tea PLEASE.” The look she gave the lady was chilling, as if she had just attempted to kidnap her child or something.

I felt an uncontrollable wave of giggles coming after she said it and I had to step out of line. I just related to her fragile state on such a serious level. From that day forward a lot of my days became focused on avoiding the Belgium girl – knowing that if our eyes connected and we exchanged misery we would break our vow of “noble silence” and just cry and commiserate together. Made me think about how in some situations in life, when you just need to persevere, you don’t need other people to relate to, you just need to harness the determination you have inside and drudge forward. Maybe it’s kinda like – misery does like company, but in the interest of your happiness, sometimes you just can't let your misery make a friend.

(the dining hall)